you traded sex for a burrito?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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