Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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