so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
