Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
