so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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