I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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