dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
