Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
