But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
