yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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