Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
