Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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