I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
