Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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