if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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