Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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