yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How much have you had to drink?
That seems like quite a lot.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes