Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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