Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
