i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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