How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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