I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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