hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
