Too much gin, very little bucket
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
