Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
