i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
