We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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