Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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