we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
