is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the day after is always just damage control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize