you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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