Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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