Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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