wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
