So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
