I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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