It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
