Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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