So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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