Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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