Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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