garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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