Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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