matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
