a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
