saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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