She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
