What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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