i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
