I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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