Her vagina should come with caution tape.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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