AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize