I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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