Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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