im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
