i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think your dad took our porno
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
