I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
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who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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