honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
