I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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