he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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