I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
