Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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