Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
