Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
