Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
