Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
