worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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