It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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