I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
